Below are the 3 most recent journal entries recorded in user_s1's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, July 6th, 2005
11:56 pm	separated ways Well, after month of works together, I finally will be apart from my friend/boss. We both was working, in the name of a software company, for another company. But he wanted we work for that company without the software company in the middle. So he tried some move for that. But he was discovered and for that, and another behaviors from him, we was dumped and replaced. Then, today, they told me they want to include me. So he will be the only one rejected. I was still supposed to work for him. But that was a great opportunity to get a best work than worked for him (he takes some part of my salary, since he apparently work much more than me) and make me work for another project so sometimes I still work the whole week, even weekend) After much thinking and what mom tell me, and another peoples tells to her, I decided to work for them. I told him. Obviously, he tells me I am a traitor, that I was stealing his work. That he was the one who gave me a work (that's true). That he never will help me again. He was really angry and sad. He calm down and finally accepted. But in the last pay together, he still will get the biggest part. I'm supposed to sign the contract with the software company tomorrow. One more time, I'm not sure if I'm taken the opportunity that I deserve, or betraying the guy who help me to have that opportunity. Current Mood: (maybe) (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 21st, 2005
11:13 pm	Well...Things have changed since the last time. I'm working again with my friend/boss. But in my house. Even some days I still must be in his home. I hate that. Sometimes his wife and mother argue to the point of scream. The main problem is that I'm sensible, at the point of being fearful. To make the thing worse, this stage of the job is dilating to more of the double time, for the same money. I can feel my friend/boss pressing me again to end this soon. He is working in another project so I do the main work. At one point I dared to told him that. But he told me that he is guiding me so he work too. Because I must call him for the phone or email so he tell me what to do in some parts of the job. Recently I make a big mistake that retarded the project. Things like that only make me more depending of him so he, apparently, have certain domain over me. Today I visited mi psychologist (or psychiatric, I don't remember) and she tell me that is normal he have some authority over mine because he is the boss. Maybe I'm some arrogant and don't like being treated like an apprentice. But I'm practically a novice. Now I feel some like Anakin from The clone Wars, except that I know that my boss is best than me. He don't make that kind of errors and have more experience in social life. But I still don't like it and only tolerate this. Mi psychologist said before that I'm under stress. That must be the reason why I feel pressed and even frightened some times. Even working in my house I feel pressed because if I don't certain progress in every day I'm supposed to be lazy. And no, that's not funny but some serious issues. Apparently I have some future in work because my friend/boss told me that our client could make me work directly for them for a month payment. Better that the system we are working now. But firs we must end this first. The problem is I don't know if I will be able to work like normal peoples. sometimes I simply don't want to work. My friend/boss... Hew cares for me. He give me a job and guide me. Even have patient since we both have take responsibility for my mistakes. He is exigent because our work is. Our client want to much from us. But at this point I have problems seeing him like a friend and more like a boss. Am I ungrateful? Well... My life is not that bad. Is just that I'm practically use this live journal to have a place to discard my emotions and doubts. But sometimes I'm happy too. Current Mood: one more time some worried (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 5th, 2005
8:59 pm	Today I went to work like always, in the home of my friend-boss. I delayed to start and when he arrives, I was still only starting to work. He moaned to me, and I feeled stressed. From time to time he does that, since even with my efforts, sometimes I failed to work with the efficiency he wants. I tell him I feeled pressed, he become angry. Like other times. In the other times I discussed a little, or nothing, and always accepted his opinion. But that time I leave. I'm not sure if I was more close to someone who defended his dignity, or a traitor who abandoned his friend. The only thing that I'm sure is that I had fear, since I'm nervous and sensible. But I thing that even I hadn't, I'd do the same at last. I worked all that I can, I tried to do the best. Sometimes I acted lazy because I was so much stressed and upset for the times that I had work seven days in a week, 12 hour at day or more. sometimes working the night and, over all, resisting his demands and angers. Resently the work lightened a bit. Less days to work and less hours. But the stress and angers continued. I was so worried that yesterday, when I had a free day, I went to a tour to relax. But time to time I had angst every time I remember I should to work the next day. Well, all that ended. They said that the pressure is the same in all the jobs. I hope that someday I will get a job where I can work without angst and fear. Current Mood: worried (2 Comments |Comment on this)